Mostly. At least for now. For this post.
I feel like I’ve used that title before…
I think the last time I wrote (reread my last post for accuracy? Nah.) I mentioned that I bought a business and was going to stop writing because professionalism. Fuck that. I have a large enough client base that if a couple of them find this blog, pretty sure I’ll survive. Besides, most of them are of the generation that still thinks you have to double click every link on the internet to get it to open. Good luck getting here.
I’ve had a few people subscribe over the last year since doing fuck all with this blog. I figured it was time to get back on the horse. Or beat a dead one. I’m not sure which way this is going to go.
My name is Andrea and it’s been 15 months since my last entry.
Just kidding. It’s been one year and 3 months. I hate when people give me lengths of time in months. Don’t fucking make me do math. Your kid is 17 months old? I DON’T FOLLOW YOUR BABY’S MILESTONES. GIVE IT TO ME IN REAL PEOPLE TIME.
I still live in a perpetual state of searching for a dietary lifestyle because I’m one of those people. I haven’t exercised regularly in months (I miss you, Girl Crush) but have fortunately also gotten older and accepted that I’d much rather ask someone else to do something for me than exert my own effort. And let’s be real, it’s typically men doing whatever it is I don’t want to do. I am no longer offended when there is some kind of physical activity and no one asks me to help. Lapse in my feminist ideals? Maybe. I’ve come to terms with it.
My latest dietary endeavor has been the ketogenic diet which basically means a hight fat, low carb diet that eventually leads to your body burning fat for fuel instead of carbs (ketosis). It has slipped from ketogenic to largely just high fat low carb because fuck, people. Any group/community I ever follow is just full of people talking about their (inaccurate) keto pee sticks and whether or not having that tater tot is going to put you out of ketosis. First of all, FUCKING GOOGLE IT. And if you are knocked out, surprise! It’s not a pass or fail type of thing. Your body can get back into ketosis if you fall off the wagon so quit your fear based bitching and grow some fucking ketogenic balls.
If you want to know more about the ketogenic diet, http://www.ruled.me/guide-keto-diet/ is a great place to start. It doesn’t really get more simple than that website. The guy who runs it also has free (donations appreciated) recipe books.
With that being said: TIME TO MAKE SOME FUCKING (not your) CAVEMAN CHILE.
Caveman Chili is technically a paleo diet recipe but that’s why they add the “not your” part of the title. GET IT?
Step 1: The first thing worth noting is that the instructions tell you is to cut your stew meat into small cubes. FALSE. Buy that shit pre-cubed.
Step 2: In a food processor, ground half of the stew meat until it resembles ground beef. ALSO FALSE AS FUCK. I don’t have time for that. There is pre-packaged ground meat for a reason. Laziness.
Step 3: MEAT
Step 4: VEGETABLES
Check out my sweet, specialized cutting boards. Mats. Very useful, particularly since Husband likes to cut raw meat on our wooden cutting board. Thanks, honey.
Jesus. I just scrolled through the entire recipe. This bitch is long. Probably should have thought of that before I bought the ingredients. And started.
Step 5: ALL THIS SHIT
You see that (tiny) plant on the right? It’s there, I swear. That shit’s home grown (read: bought at HEB and watered only when almost dead) oregano. I wanted to use it and be all fancy. I didn’t have enough. Dried oregano it is.
Step 6 & 7: Mix ALL THE SHIT
Step 8, 9, 10, & 11: COOK STEW MEAT
Step 12: COOK GROUND BEEF
Oh my God. ALL THE OTHER STEPS TO COOK THE COMPONENTS
Step 16: MIX ALL THAT SHIT IN THE CROCK POT
Step 17 & 18: Cook for a long time and then cook some more.
Step 19: Make taco salad because that took way too long and you want to eat before 10 pm.
Dammit, Caveman Chili… you better be fucking delicious.